Until this year, I had previously done the school drop off and pick up. While I loved those times with my children, mostly the ‘chats’ we would have on the way about their day, what was for afternoon tea, whose birthday was coming up, what was going to be for afternoon, what happened in music, what was for afternoon… you get the message. It was sweet but exhausting, especially dealing with heat and humidity or rain drenching episodes which always seem to coincide with pick up in Brisbane.
Now this year, our three children attend the same school and childcare where my husband works (I know ladies, this is what dream are made of!) and he has taken on this responsibility.
One evening about 6 months into this arrangement, my husband said “I’m so glad to only have two kids to take tomorrow (no childcare for our youngest that day), it’s hard you know.”
While this wasn’t an obvious dig at me, the last comment left like it.
Well, you can imagine my response was not one of sympathy or support. I couldn’t get the works out quick enough “Well, you know that’s how it has been for me the past two years!’. The words exploded out before I had a chance to process them. But it didn’t end there. I pointed out that during the stink of school runs, I had to do TWO separate drop offs (kindy and school), rather than just his one. Then to add some further sting a good 30 seconds later,I blurted out a “And I was PREGNANT!”.
Beat that I thought.
But he didn’t, he had nothing. He didn’t even try. And while I should have taken that moment of refection of his succumbing to defeat as a win for me. I didn’t.
No one won in that cross fire.
Both of us continued to be left unappreciated and valued when all we both really wanted the other person to say is “Thank you and I really appreciate it”.
Why is that so hard to say sometimes?
When did parents of the same children start to compete with each other?
Why don’t we say thank you enough?
But it has become a turning point for me and an opportunity to realise it isn’t a competition and that we are actually on the same team.
How do you say thank you to your husband/partner/boyfriend/girlfriend?